A List of Dos and Don'ts

Specifically for anyone considering getting into an interfaith, inter-cultural or inter-racial marriage.

DOS

#1.  Do expect that  people will remark on it now and then.  It happens.  You just have to be cool about it.

#2.  Do expect to be surprised.  That's inevitable.  When you consider that people from the same religious/cultural/racial group get surprised at times about each other, you can imagine how the opportunities for this are multiplied when you are from different backrounds.

#3.  Do have a positive attitude about it once you've decided to go for it.

#4.  Do learn as much as you can about your partner's faith/culture/place of origin/whatever, preferably before jumping in.

#5.  Do decide how you are going to handle important issues like money and how to bring up your kids before you commit. And stick to your decision.  The attitudes on these issues vary from community to community.  This will prevent a lot of disagreements later.

#6.  If you are planning to live in a different country afterwards, like I did, try to visit a few times before to see what you will have to deal with later.

#7.  If your partner speaks a different language, make sure you try to learn it, even if that person is very proficient in your language.    Sometimes that's easier said than done. Especially if the writing script is different.   I'm still 'trying' to learn Hindi after fifteen years of marriage, twenty three if you consider how long we have been in a relationship.  But heck, at least I'm trying!

DON'TS

#1.  Don't think that just because you have read some books/talked to some people/visited that country that you understand the ways of that community totally.  There are some things you cannot know unless you've lived in a situation for at least a dozen years.  I'm in India (from Ireland!) fifteen years and I'm still learning.

#2.  Don't be upset if you are misunderstood by other members of your partner's community.  That will happen.  Sometimes frequently.  You need to exercise a lot of patience.  A sense of humour is a great standby in these situations.

#3.  Don't blame yourself if things go wrong occasionally.  Once you know you're trying your best to get along, your conscience is clear.

#4.  Don't take offence easily.

#5.  Don't forget that your kids are not  "half" of anything.  They have, in fact, a double heritage.  That gives them a great perspective.

#6.  Don't be afraid to share what you've learnt with others.

This post was inspired by the writers' workshop assignment at the blog Mama's Losin' It.  I looked at the prompts and got inspired by the above title.  Hence the post!