Just Because It's New Year's Day.....

Yes, just because it's New Year's Day, I feel I should post.  Something.  It's sad that at this time my father-in-law is lying in hospital, totally unaware of what's going on.  Most of the family have gathered from Delhi, Bhopal and Shillong, to be together at this time.  Papaji's youngest (and only surviving)brother is with him 24/7, as has his eldest son, who has not left his side since he reached Lucknow three days ago.  My husband and youngest brother-in-law are the same - in constant attendance.  I feel very much for my husband - he tends to suffer from depression, and this is of course very difficult for him as it would be for anyone.  He came home yesterday for a few hours, to eat, sleep and see me and the children.

I've lost track of the time.  Papaji  lost consciousness on Tuesday morning and was taken by his sons to the local Christian hospital.  Many tests were done, and within 24 hours, the doctors recommended that he should be moved to another hospital for more specialised care.  Early on Wednesday morning, I had to send my eldest son to school, while the other children were asleep.  It is nearly impossible for me to go anywhere or do anything when the others are awake, so as soon as Neil was gone, I just slipped out of the house and took a bus to the hospital.  I reached within ten minutes.  That hospital is like a second home for me.  I gave birth to all my four children there.  All the Christian sisters and nurses there know me from the Church.  I knew that if my papaji was moved, I may never get the chance to meet him again.  If this is, in fact, the end, which of course I hope it isn't.  When I reached there, my husband had already left.  Only my elder brother-in-law and uncle-in-law were there.  I stayed for just a minute.  He was asleep.  On a drip, totally unaware.  I stood beside him for just a minute, held his hand and just prayed for him.  Then I went away.   And I am so glad I did.  The hospital he is now in is miles away.  Other relatives who have travelled from far away are visiting him, and I have to stay with my young children.

I have already said goodbye, but that doesn't mean that I won't be delighted if he comes back to us.  However,  I know him.  He told me ten years ago that he was ready to go any time.  He felt he had finished his work here and he wanted to see God now.  That doesn't mean he had a death wish because he loved his life.

In a way, my relationship with Papaji had everything to do with my husband.  In another way, it had nothing to do with it.  We had a lot of laughs and a lot of disagreements too.  Once he became my father, he was very over-protective.  Didn't like my going out at all.  "You are too innocent!"  he would say.  "People will fool you!"    I wouldn't mind, but I was well over thirty at the time. But for him, we were only kids.  Even my husband.

So now, we are just waiting and watching.